you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
