This is not my ceiling
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
