I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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