I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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