i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
