Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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