Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
