Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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