I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
