She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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