i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
