Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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