Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
