I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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