it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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