Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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