Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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