I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
