If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
