forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
