Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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