true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
