Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
