just tell him i said nine months
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
