I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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