there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
