I wish life had little blips of pornography
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I cut my penus on the lid.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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