Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize