did you get engaged???
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
