So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize