Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
