He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
