My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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