He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
