I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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