We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
