hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
