we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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