y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
