I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
