Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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