life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
