Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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