My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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