Too much gin, very little bucket
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
