Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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