There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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