I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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