you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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