Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
