i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
