Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
