I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
