And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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