i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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