This is not my ceiling
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
