So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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