she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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