just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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