So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
