fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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