When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
