we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
