I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
