Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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