I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
