I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
