ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
