if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
