U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
