1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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