who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
