I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
