rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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