The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
