He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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