You just made me feel so damn special
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
